We each have a unique and wonderful melody that each of us bring to the chorus of life. Our melodies rise and fall and shift with the changing tides of our lives, yet sometimes we can wonder, is anyone listening at all?
I think that as humans, we all have the need to feel noticed and appreciated. We want to know that someone sees us, and recognizes the good that we are doing, and that our efforts are not being wasted.
I remember one time in high school, I had been part of a color guard team and we had been preparing for our competitions, and we had the chance to give a practice performance at the high school. Now I'm not the type of person where those things come naturally. I had to put in a lot of extra work and practice to get things down, and I was always trying to improve. With this performance, I had felt that I had gotten the routine down, and I put forth all my effort, and had given it my all. After the performance, I felt so proud of myself because I felt like that had been my best show of the season thus far. I felt like I was on cloud nine, but I was quickly deflated. When we went to meet with our coach, I was hoping that she would have noticed the extra effort that I had put forth and the improvement in my performance. Instead, all I got was a correction of a minor thing, and then a dismissal while she then heaped praise on her favorite. I was completely crushed leaving that performance. I remember thinking to myself, "Why am I even trying? Here I am working as hard as I can and it doesn't even make a difference, what's the point?" Have any of you ever felt that way before?
I think we all have moments were we think, "what's the point?" Where all our efforts and struggles seem like they're in vain - that nobody even notices or even cares. So what is the point? How do we keep pushing on when it feels like there's every reason not to. How do we fight back when we feel like the whole world is pushing against us, and nobody even sees the struggles that we are facing?
I think the first thing that I realized after that experience was that it is not about what others thought about me. Sure we all love to feel recognized and appreciated, but when I reflected on why I performed and why I danced, I came to the understanding that it really was not about others approval. When I became focused on external validation, the only thing I would feel was disappointment and discouragement. But when I took the focus away from seeking approval, I became so much happier, and I actually found so much more freedom in my movement and in my artistic expression. For me dancing meant being able to dream and step into a world of endless possibilities. It raised my spirits and gave me a freedom to become whoever I wanted to be. I loved the challenge of mastering new techniques and the elation of being able to reach a goal. When I don't focus on the people watching me, dancing becomes an expression of my soul and brings me an immense amount of joy.
Alyssa Edwards said something once that completely captured how I feel. She said, "A good dancer is not necessarily defined by great technique, skill, or ability to pick up choreography but by confidence. When you feel the music, it penetrates to your soul. Everybody's a dancer. The greatest dancer is someone who is willing to dance, not afraid." I realized that I had been letting fear get in my way. Fear of not being good enough, fear of failing, and of letting everyone else down. I am in no way the most natural nor talented dancer. I have to work hard to learn, progress, and learn a routine. And because I was comparing myself to others, I had started to lose that confidence in myself and had stopped letting the music penetrate my soul. But when I began to let go of those things - the fear, the comparisons, the hurt - then I truly began to find the joy that had brought me there in the first place.
I also came to realize that those fears that I had when performing, were also common fears in my life. It is so easy to let what others do or do not do, govern how we see and view ourselves. All of us want to have our moment in the spotlight, and we fear being forgotten, being unseen. We each have a unique and wonderful melody that each of us bring to the chorus of life. Sometimes our melody is joyful and energetic, other times it is sad and lethargic. Our melodies rise and fall and shift with the changing tides of our lives, yet sometimes we can wonder, is anyone listening at all? There have been so many times in my life where I have felt like I have been going through the day acting out a part. Pretending that everything is fine when it really isn't, hoping against hope that someone would notice that something was off - yet no one did. I have had times where I have felt like my service and efforts have gone unnoticed. That others received all the spotlight, all the attention, while I was always relegated to the behind the scenes roles. And sometimes that would be so hard for me. I wondered if my service was as valuable, or if I was even making a difference. But then I read a talk from President Howard W. Hunter, entitled "No Less Serviceable" (BYU Devotional, 1990) that completely changed my perspective, and helped me to realize that even if my efforts, struggles, and triumphs are not noticed by anyone else here on earth, they are always noticed up above.
President Hunter first pointed out that all of us are going to be unique. We all are not cast in the same mold and we each have a different personality, circumstance, and mission. He noted that we all are not going to be "catching the acclaim of [our] colleagues all day every day. No, most will be quiet, relatively unknown folks who come and go and do their work without fanfare. To those of you who may find that lonely or frightening or just unspectacular, I say you are 'no less serviceable' than the most spectacular of your associates. You, too, are part of God’s army."
To me that gave me such reassurance. To know that there is great worth and meaning to be found even when we feel that our service and efforts are being expended in anonymity. President Hunter gave many examples of people who he termed were "unsung heroes". These people do not receive a lot of public praise or attention, yet we cannot live without their selfless service. Their quiet contributions have long lasting effects, that can shape history. He assures that our unseen or unsung labors always "brings the attention of God". And so like my example with dance earlier, our service and efforts are not about others and their approval. It is about serving and loving our God and our fellow man, and being the best that we can possibly be. Sister Sharon Eubank reassured that "the Lord knows how hard you are trying. You are making progress. Keep going. He sees all your hidden sacrifices and counts them to your good and the good of those you love. Your work is not in vain. Your are not alone. His very name, Emmanuel, means 'God with us'. He is surely with you."
I know that He can see the "sorrows that the eye can't see" (Lord, I would Follow Thee. Hymn #220) and He hears "the songs we cannot sing." (There is Sunshine in My Soul Today. Hymn #227) He appreciates every effort we make to improve ourselves and to serve those around us. He knows the good that we are doing and will be with us in every step of our journey.