When we focus so much on trying to be exactly like others, we forget about our own uniqueness and worth.
The other day, I found myself sinking into a familiar cycle. I was feeling down on myself...again. While I was feeling down, I noticed that I began to compare myself to those around me, using it as justification for why I should hate myself. Because if I could find more flaws and reasons why I wasn't good enough, then I could rationalize that I deserved the way I was feeling.
Being a writer, I often use writing as an outlet to sort through my feelings and get my thoughts out. And poetry seems to be a medium that I often turn to during these times. When I was trapped in this comparison mode, these words seemed to flow out of me:
Sometimes I feel like the moon
Shining with its own unique beauty and brightness
While on my own,
I am seen, loved, and adored.
But when the sun begins to rise
I am ignored.
For no matter how brightly I shine
Or how proudly I stand,
When the sun comes out
I have no stand.
I always am pale in comparison
I cannot give the same warmth or light.
Which is why she's the day and I'm the night.
I am seen in the darkness
In the shadows I work
And while I'm content to do my part,
I just wish that for once,
Someone could give me their heart.
I was so caught up in comparison that I failed to see my own worth. I think many times, it is easy to compare ourselves to a certain (imaginary or real) standard. And with that standard there is not a lot of flexibility. We think we have to be a certain way or fit into specific categories. We focus so much on trying to be exactly like others, that we forget about our own uniqueness and worth.
Our Unique Worth
One wake-up call that I had that helped me to come out of this comparison mentality was the realization that you don't have to be the same to be equal. To continue with the imagery from earlier, light is still light. Although the sun and the moon are very different, they each have their own unique purpose and role. They each have a place and a time in which to do their work. It is the same with each of us. We are all so different and unique - with different circumstances, stories, dreams, and hopes. Just because my story is different from someone else's, does not make my own story not worthy of telling.
Patricia T. Holland said, "Obviously the Lord has created us with different personalities, as well as differing degrees of energy, interest, health, talent, and opportunity. So long as we are committed to righteousness and living a life of faithful devotion, we should celebrate these divine differences, knowing they are a gift from God. We must not feel so frightened, so threatened and insecure; we must not need to find exact replicas of ourselves in order to feel validated as women of worth. There are many things over which we can be divided, but one thing is needful for our unity—the empathy and compassion of the living Son of God." (“‘One Thing Needful’: Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ,”)
One part of that quote that really struck me was when she talked about insecurities. Often we use comparison as a crutch for our insecurities, and while we cling on to them, we cannot grow. I have noticed in my own life, that when I am comparing myself to others, my personal growth seems to halt. I feel like I am too far behind, that I will never measure up, and that I can never be like those around me. Well the truth is that I will never be like those around me. God made me the way I am for a reason. He didn't send me to this life so I can be exactly like those around me. He sent me here to become the best person that I could become and to develop my own unique talents and abilities. And through my individuality, I can bless those around me and be an influence for good.
Now when those down moments come, I don't need to feel alone. I don't need to feel like I will never measure up. I know that I will never achieve perfection in this life. But I know that as I come to know and rely upon my Savior, that He will make up the difference and will lift me where I stand. The beautiful truth is that the Savior takes us the way we are, and helps us to become so much more. In that same talk, Patricia Holland continues saying,
"We must have the courage to be imperfect while striving for perfection... We often worry so much about pleasing and performing for others that we lose our uniqueness—that full and relaxed acceptance of one’s self as a person of worth and individuality. We become so frightened and insecure that we cannot be generous toward the diversity and individuality, and yes, problems, of our neighbors. ... I believe we can find our steady footing and stilling of the soul by turning away from physical preoccupations, superwoman accomplishments, and endless popularity contests, and returning instead to the wholeness of our soul, that unity in our very being that balances the demanding and inevitable diversity of life."
Building Instead of Dividing
Not only does comparison, hinder us from realizing our divine worth, but it also hinders us from becoming united with those around us. Comparison brings jealousy and resentment. Instead of using the different gifts and talents of others to compliment our own, we use it as a wall that divides us. Furthermore, when we feel down on ourselves, it is so much harder for us to give of ourselves to others. We wonder what we could contribute to others that would possibly be of worth; we doubt that anyone would even want our help when there are so many better people out there.
However, we have so much to give and to do. And when we combine our unique talents and abilities with those around us, there is no limit to what we can do. Marjorie Pay Hinckley stated, "People are wonderful. Each one has a story, each something to give, each knows something interesting, something that can make your life richer." (Small and Simple Things) As we learn to appreciate not only our unique story, but the stories of those around us, our lives become richer and we can find greater meaning and happiness. We will not all be the same, but that is what makes this life so exciting and beautiful. So love the journey, with its valleys and hills, and all the twists and turns that come with it. We have our own light to give and the Savior is there for us every step of the way.
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